High Times

I resisted high waisted jeans for a long time, because they give you mom butt, and front butt, and no mass market retailer is willing to source a long enough zipper, and instead they choose to just slap some dreadful buttons on an extra strap of fabric that make you look like you're wearing a denim cummerbund. I can no longer resist.

The night began as most other nights do, with rum and diet cokes and conversation about how poorly dressed all the other patrons were. Until a girl walked in wearing The Jeans.

I really only noticed her because she was wearing everything I own: American Apparel deep v gym shirt and black studded sandals from Old Navy. But the jeans! High waisted, ankle zipped, and they made her butt look like a million bucks. I am not usually the kind of person who goes out of their way to ask someone where they bought something; I assume that stylish people are snobby and/or bitchy, and will shut me down faster than ...a Woolworths going-out-of-business sale? Enron?

This time I decided that my civic duty (to you, dear reader) would trump my babyness so I walked right up to her and asked where they were from. Funny I should find the only kind-hearted person in the place, who practically drew me a map to Urban Outfitters so I could get my own pair.

Next day, I marched into Urban and asked the girl working where the high waisted jeans were. "Really high waisted jeans aren't in this year," she sniffed. I wanted to say "When were they ever?" but I didn't and found them on the clearance rack, for $10 a pair. So I bought two.


They are not really high waisted. That girl was a dolt. And for the record, they do make my butt look fabulous.

When I recieve my vintage Tears for Fears shirt from ebay, I shall show you. I promise.